For all the dog lovers (Thailand)

It was July 24th, a Tuesday evening around 8 pm. We were finished with dinner, and were chatting over the illuminated screen of Janneke’s laptop. The rest of the power was out. Tam and Ton, two staff members were done for the night and entered their truck to drive back to their rooms. The engine started and the truck began to back up. We all immediately heard the loud cry of a dog. “Oh no!” I instantly thought. I ran over, and saw my sweet baby girl, Shadow, pinned under the rear driver’s side tire…
My first day at Elephant’s World was a whirlwind of information and learning. As soon as my song tao pulled up to drop me off at the elephant sanctuary, I immediately felt at home. All around were dogs of various size, shape, and color lounging about. My eyes caught those of a small black and white dog chillin’ on the ground. Upon further inspection, I realized she was just a pup. She was just getting her adult teeth in, so she was only around 7 months old.

She was my baby from the start. I would pick her up and hold her like a baby, and she would just lay there loving every minute of it. Agnes, the Dutch lady in charge of day to day operations at Elephant’s World, saw our bond at once. She commented that the dog and I were one, we were “same same”.
Over the course of the next week I would share my food scraps with my sweet lil one. I would give her pets and belly rubs. I had taught her to sit with a verbal and hand cue. We were going to start working on the command “lay down” next. A British girl named Hannah, was at the sanctuary as a day tourist. She saw how close I was with my dog. I told her I was trying to think of a name that suited her. Hannah suggested the name Shadow, and I liked it very much. Agnes was going to bring some dog shampoo so I could give Shadow a bath so she could stay with me in my bungalow. Unfortunately, the only night she would spend with me in my bungalow would be her last.

Ton ran back in the truck to move it forward off of Shadow. She lay there paralyzed in shock. Luckily, where she was pinned did not damage any bones. She was pinned in her lower abdomen. Ton, the resident vet, and I use that term lightly, immediately took her pulse and performed an initial exam. After a couple of minutes, she sat up with labored breathe. I was sitting by her side the whole time, stroking her side. I was excited to see her sit up, thinking that some how her vital organs did not get smashed. After a couple minutes of sitting up, she staggered to her feet in a drunken like state. I picked her up and told everyone I would care for her throughout the night. I carried her down to my bungalow, accompanied by another volunteer, Janneke, who had grabbed a blanket.
I set Shadow down on my bed, and she quickly coughed up some blood. “That’s never good when I see it in the movies” I remember thinking to myself. I wanted to give her some sort of pain med, but we weren’t sure what we could give her. The vet showed back up with a pain killer that he injected into the back if her neck. It was then also determined that if she made it through the night we would take her to the animal hospital in the morning to get thoroughly checked out. Three of my fellow volunteers huddled around my bed and offered support and kind words. I was already mad at myself for not keeping a closer eye on Shadow. “There is nothing you could have done” was repeated by my compadres. Around 10:20pm they retreated back to their rooms, and my job as care taker began.
Shadow’s breathing had gotten worse, but you could tell the pain killer was helping. I felt her body temperature drop, so I wrapped her in my blanket. As she lay there struggling to breath, I gave her as much comfort as I could.

The following hours were something I wish I could forget. Seeing any living thing struggle that much for life is not a fun thing to watch. She was constantly moving around, up and down from the bed and all around the floor trying to get comfortable. She couldn’t stay in one place for more than five minutes. Half way through the night I wanted her to pass on. I didn’t want to see my sweet pups struggle any longer. Once the pain killer ran it’s course she could not lay down and breath at the same time. She would stand, lying her head on my hip, chest, bottom of the bed, or anything else she could find to hold her head up. She would even place her head in my hands, and I would hold her head up for her. She was so tired, every breathe was excruciating.
She put her front paws up on the bed, so I helped her back up. At this point she was barking in little moans, she was not doing well. She laid on her side, so I wrapped her back up in my blanket. I could see in her eyes she wanted the pain to disappear. As I laid beside her, I held her little paw so she knew she was not alone. She took a deep labored breathe and started to convulse. Then the blood began to flow from her mouth onto the bed. It was then she took her last breathe and fell silent. It was then that the pain was finally over. The time was 5:27am, she had fought diligently for her life for over 9 hours since being pinned under the truck.
I laid beside her for the next 30 minutes, stroking her head and crying my eyes out. This incident was the saddest thing I have ever witnessed first hand. Once the staff member Tam woke up about 7:15am, I told him I needed help with the dog. I knew he could see the distress in my face. I had already wrapped Shadow up tightly in a blanket. Tam went and got a couple of tools, and enlisted the help of Aida, the youngest Mahout. Together, they dug Shadow’s grave on the hill over looking the river. I sat on some steps holding Shadow while the two men worked. When I was given the signal I walked her over. Tam was reciting some sort of Buddhist prayer over the empty grave. I handed my bundle over to him, and it was he who lowered her into her final resting place. As Aida was placing the dirt back into place, I received a sympathetic nod from both men, and pat on the back from Tam.

After changing my bed sheets and getting a new blanket it was past eight in the morning. I had been up for over 24 hours. It had been a long draining night, both emotionally and physically. As soon as my head hit my pillow I was fast asleep. When I awoke later on that afternoon, I made a cross of sticks and bamboo. I placed it at the head of Shadow’s grave, along with some pretty pink flowers. I believe Shadow and I were kindred spirits, and I will never forget her.